you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
