my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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