I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
