Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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