fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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