The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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