i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
