Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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