Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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