she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
