apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
