I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my shit smells like andre
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
