My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
