If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's never too late to be topless.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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