While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
