i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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