i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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