i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
