operation harelip BJ is a go
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
