People in love make me want to vomit
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
