someone threw a dead crab at me
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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