dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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