Tell her she can't have a vagina
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize