they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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