high people should be assigned attendants
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
