quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
