3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
