Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
