i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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