So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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