I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
