When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
