I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
