lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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