one might say we're banned from that church
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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