I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
