You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
