i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
