420 ftw
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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