I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
