Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
