Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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