I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
