I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
