I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
