How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Randomize
