why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
