You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
