at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
