i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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